I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
