This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
