If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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