Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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