im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im holly from the hills drunk
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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