but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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