she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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