i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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