I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
