So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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