Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
