So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
