whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
