last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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