A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
