he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
