She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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