Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
