I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
