Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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