I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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