We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
