Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
