I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
