pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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