Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
