I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
