I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
