And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
