I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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