One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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