speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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