I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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