wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
