Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
