belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
she woke up with a sticky ear
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
