Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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