not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
