also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
