Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize