Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
