Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
