On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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