Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
