I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
