dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
