I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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