I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
