I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
