eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
