I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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