Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
