This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
