ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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