Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
