sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
