so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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