So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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