do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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