So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
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Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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