I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
