She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
