great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
