Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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