so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
