I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
