I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
