i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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