he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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