Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize