the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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