I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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