He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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