It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
