Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
