you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
